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Test Those Breasts ™️
This podcast by Jamie Vaughn is a deep-dive discussion on a myriad of breast cancer topics, such as early detection, the initial shock of diagnosis, testing/scans, treatment, loss of hair, caregiving, surgery, emotional support, and advocacy.
These episodes will include breast cancer survivors, thrivers, caregivers, surgeons, oncologists, therapists, and other specialists who can speak to many different topics.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and not all information in this podcast comes from qualified health care providers, therefore does not constitute medical advice. For personalized medical advice, you should reach out to one of the qualified healthcare providers interviewed on this podcast and/or seek medical advice from your own providers.
Test Those Breasts ™️
Episode 87: (Part 2) Amy Banocy & Jamie Vaughn's Lessons from 2024, Embracing Fearlessness & Growth
This Part 2 episode highlights the emotional complexities of surviving breast cancer and the importance of vulnerability and community support in healing. Jamie and Amy discuss personal growth, trauma, and the transformative power of self-care practices that contribute to a lasting recovery.
• Discussing trauma's role in survivorship
• The emotional impact of breast cancer and its treatment
• Emphasizing the strength found in vulnerability
• Community support as a healing mechanism
• Lessons learned from writing a book about survivorship
• Importance of self-care throughout life
• Taking healing retreats for personal growth
• Navigating deep personal beliefs around money
• Understanding the difference in social interactions post-cancer
• Encouragement to embrace and share personal stories
amy.banocy@yahoo.com
IG: Amy's Personal Instagram and Instagram: Baringitalltogether (community and resources)
FB: Amy's Facebook
Web: Amy Banocy
BARING IT ALL on Amazon: BARING IT ALL on Amazon
Download a free chapter: FREE Chapter
Media: Media
Podcasts Mentioned in this episode:
We Can Do Hard Things Post Election Family Meeting
We Can Do Hard Things w/ Malcolm Gladwell
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Jamie Vaughn in the News!
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I am not a doctor and not all information in this podcast comes from qualified healthcare providers, therefore may not constitute medical advice. For personalized medical advice, you should reach out to one of the qualified healthcare providers interviewed on this podcast and/or seek medical advice from your own providers .
Hello friends, welcome back to the Test those Breasts podcast. I am your host, jamie Vaughn. I'm a retired teacher of 20 years and a breast cancer thriver turned staunch, unapologetic, loud supporter and advocate for others, bringing education and awareness through a myriad of medical experts, therapists, caregivers and other survivors. A breast cancer diagnosis is incredibly overwhelming, with the mounds of information out there, and other survivors A breast cancer diagnosis is incredibly overwhelming, with the mounds of information out there, especially on Dr Google. I get it. I'm not a doctor and I know how important it is to uncover accurate information, which is my ongoing mission through my nonprofit. The podcast includes personal stories and opinions from breast cancer survivors and professional physicians, providing the most up-to-date information. At the time of recording Evidence, research and practices are always changing, so please check the date of the recording and always refer to your medical professionals for the most up-to-date information. I hope you find this podcast a source of inspiration and support from my guests. Their contact information is in the show notes, so please feel free to reach out to them. We have an enormous breast cancer community ready to support you in so many ways.
Speaker 1:Now let's listen to the next episode of Test those Breasts. Hello friends, welcome back to the second half of my conversation with Amy Bonosi about all the lessons we learned in 2024. Thank you for coming back to hear this, I think.
Speaker 1:I really think that all of our thought processes about fear and anxiety and all those things so stems from trauma, and it's amazing how many people have experienced trauma all their lives and sometimes we don't even start thinking about certain parts of that until you're like my age I'm 57. Parts of that until you're like my age I'm 57. There are things that have come out this year that I know stem from trauma and I start thinking about past things that have happened to me, even when I was a kid, even when I was, you know, being raised by my parents and you know, living with my brothers and things like that. Um, I know that trauma plays a significant role and it's kind of a multifaceted role in our survivorship. Um, we start thinking about things that we never thought of before. Um, I wrote down while the phys, while the physical effects of cancer and its treatment are often the most visible, the emotional and psychological and even spiritual impact of trauma can be just as profound, lasting longer than the diagnosis and treatment ends.
Speaker 2:Wow, I mean, if only people knew this and you know, I mean that is part of my mission in writing that book was I felt that big? I mean I felt that big time. I felt that as someone who was always the happy, optimistic one, as someone who was always the happy, optimistic one, right, I really struggled with the feelings I was having, and that was during everything and after. And there is so much out there, like you think, about the movies or TV shows or whatever, where women have breast cancer or any type of cancer, and it is typically the physical. People don't touch on the emotional and we don't know what we don't know. And so until I was personally impacted this way, I didn't know these things either and I believe so strongly in my core that there there is a major shift that can happen there that will benefit future women going through this Um.
Speaker 1:I hope so, and you know what just talking about it because we live in a society where being vulnerable is um can be seen as weak, and we that is one of my other lessons, just so you were just talking about is being vulnerable to um is not a weakness, and I feel like the more that we put it out there of what we're feeling, the more people there can be, more connection and people will be feel better about. Wow, I didn't know other people thought about this. She's so open about it and you know me thought about this. She's so open about it and you know me, you've seen me on social media. I have posted things that are like really open, like very vulnerable, and that's how I process, amy Me too your book. You were very vulnerable. Not only were you vulnerable in putting your story out there.
Speaker 1:There are people who read that book. Remember I remember I read we talked about this on the first episode. There was one lady on there. You know it was like on your, on the reviews, but all of the rest of the reviews were like holy cow, this is so great. Amy, thank you so much for opening up. I. You know just your. You know your vulnerability has helped me and all that stuff. Um, and I really think that's important work is for us to not be afraid to talk about it and to put it, out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so interesting this year I've realized through you know, you look back on certain events throughout your life, throughout the year, whatever, and like how they connected and got you to where you are, and I do believe there is a connection amongst all of them. And I wrote that book. It's so funny that literally just this year this wasn't even one of my things but I wrote that book. I thought I was writing it for other women with breast cancer and what I have learned through sharing the book with people sharing the book with people is that the book is really written for survivors so that they do not feel alone, and for caregivers and medical professionals so that they can get an inside look into the raw and honest truth of all of it. You know of going through breast cancer and it takes vulnerability and that actually one of my things was how healing it is to be around other breast cancer survivors in these like sacred and beautiful spaces and to share our stories and to open up.
Speaker 2:And I had the great experience of going to Costa Rica, as you know, with I Rise Above Breast Cancer and I know that you're getting ready to go on one of the trips which is going to be phenomenal, but that was.
Speaker 2:I mean, it was like it didn't matter how long someone had been in this survivorship space, right, whether someone was still going through treatment or whether someone was 15 years a survivor. There is something it literally gives me goosebumps right now. There is just something so healing about being away from your everyday and putting yourself in this different environment where you don't have to take literally don't have to think about anything else because everything's taken care of for you, that you can just focus on you and on your healing. And while I was definitely a you know self-care advocate before, that really to me, was something I learned this year was that that is a whole nother level of self-care and healing is to remove yourself from your everyday environment for a period of time where you can focus on just yourself, and that there is nothing selfish about that. It is completely selfless because when we become better and we heal, we are able to return home and bring that with us.
Speaker 1:I love it because that was one of my lessons. Self-care is vital and we've always we've always known this right. We've talked about this before. We know self-care is super important, but it's amazing just how much more critical we find it, even though we knew this intuitively. We've been told this. It just becomes more prevalent in the understanding of healing, like it's not just self-care for a year, you know. After a year is cancer-free, you know, it is self-care, it's self-care for the rest of our lives. Yeah, because before cancer I don't know about you I did do things that pampered myself and things like that, but I was always doing a lot for other people, you know, and not really paying attention to myself as much, I guess. Now it's a little. I see it a lot differently. So it is prioritizing ourselves both mentally and physically is so important.
Speaker 2:Well, and talking about Costa Rica on a not so deep level, but I'm sure we could make it deep in some way. One of my lessons this year was that I can surf oh good, we have to take surfing lessons and it was so powerful to do that, to put myself in a place where, like we were talking about, that was like really challenging and fearful, and that I could do it.
Speaker 1:I'm excited because I've wanted to do that before. I've done like boogie boarding and things like that. But I love how Jillian she sends us pictures of all of them surfing and everything. And I love Costa Rica. My husband and I have been two times and I'm definitely wanting to make it over to where Jillian and her family go um at some point. But this year we're going to Peru, so that's the next trip that we're going to be doing. So that's going to be a challenge for me. So I got to get myself into shape and I I have been in shape, but this last year I've just kind of let some of that go, and that's something I'm working on in the new year for sure.
Speaker 1:Okay, I have a couple other ones that are not super duper deep, but kind of exciting actually. Not super duper deep, but kind of exciting actually. One is that, um, I learned how to actually go through the process to become a nonprofit and trademark test, those, which is now, which is now officially registered. So that was quite a process. I learned how to do all of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a lot to navigate. Yeah, that is. I can appreciate that.
Speaker 1:It is. Yeah, that was really fun and frustrating, but I'm just so glad I learned, because now I actually have people asking me hey, how did you become a nonprofit? What were your steps? Hey, who did you use for your trademark or whatever your steps? Hey, what, who did you use for your trademark or whatever? So now I can direct them on how to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, See and that circles back to what we were talking about before there was, I'm sure you know it was uncomfortable, you had to do all these new things and learn new things, but now you get to help other people.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, absolutely. What's another one of yours?
Speaker 2:Another one of mine. Oh, here's one. So this is. It sounds so simple, but it was really impactful for me was how a morning meditation can change my entire day.
Speaker 2:Have gone in and out of these like getting up and doing morning routine things over the years, but what I realized because I was consistent about it, even if it was like 10 minutes, it put me in such a different mindset when my kids got up that things bothered me less. It started my day off better in that than I would do the things I knew I had to do for myself, like exercise and eating a good breakfast, things like that. It was rather than starting my day, because there were certainly times that I missed it first thing in the morning and those days were so much more harried not just the morning, it would carry throughout the entire day. And it sounds simple because we hear all about meditation as a practice and how it's so good for our mental and physical health, but to actually put a year's worth of time into that and experience that myself has been a great lesson for me, that it's so worth it Awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, breathing, just sitting there and breathing and you know, letting, letting everything flow into your body and your mind, and just uh, and also, you know, I feel like sometimes I feel like I have to sit there and and tell myself you can do hard things, you can do hard things. Do you ever listen to that podcast? We can do hard things. I love them. They have been so helpful to me, they have been so helpful to me and I just want to give a huge shout out to that podcast. Glenna Doyle and is it? Abby Womack and her sister what's her sister's name? Amanda Doyle? Yeah, totally amazing. I listened to their podcast episode literally the day after the election. It was very helpful and that is one of the reasons I brought up community. I've always thought that the breast cancer community is so helpful. Like when people get a breast cancer diagnosis, I want them to plug in to the breast cancer community because it's so helpful.
Speaker 1:But these three really talked a lot about navigating the division of the world right now and their whole message was about making sure that they are taking care and and connecting, and staying connected with their community, whether it be in their neighborhood, whether it be, you know, in their town. Um, you know, just making sure that they're taking care of each other.
Speaker 1:And for us this year. Oh my gosh, seriously, that is what I'm focusing on this year for sure, and I really appreciate their, their podcast. They also had an episode on there that I listened to with Malcolm Gladwell, the one who did the tipping point. So now he has a book out called the revenge of the tipping point. That's another episode that, um, that you guys, anyone, should listen to.
Speaker 1:It's just so fascinating, yeah, so finding yourself to a podcast or a YouTube channel or just some sort of medium like that that is going to speak to you and help you get through, because there's, we have so much information out there in the world, there's so much noise. I too, you know you talked about not necessarily watching too much news, and but you are informed about things that are happening. That's the same thing with me. I have really pulled back on filling myself with too much negativity, um, and really just staying informed and then doing my things with my community. That is what's helped me the most, I guess.
Speaker 2:Well, that actually goes to another. One of my revelations or reminders this year was just the power of curiosity, and how curiosity is so much stronger than and better, in my opinion, than judgment. I think there is so much divide, but when we can get curious about why certain people think the things they think, or what their experience was that caused them to have this belief, this world belief, rather than just, oh my God, I can't believe that they think X, y, z right, because that doesn't do anyone any good. But when we can get curious, and have conversations, and they're hard conversations.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I just think there's so much more that can come out of that.
Speaker 1:I do too. That can come out of that. I do too. I absolutely agree with you, because it's easy to get angry and judgmental and whatever with someone for not for thinking something different than you do. I think that when people go into those conversations, though, is really set that intention, like, okay, we know, this conversation is probably going to be triggering, yeah, so make sure that when you're going into those conversations, that your intention is to be curious, no matter how the other person is going to be, cause the other person might not be that person, they may not be that curious person, they just may want to spout out whatever they think or whatever, and the power that we have is to direct that conversation into maybe asking questions why do you think that way? Where did that come from? I'm curious and really tell, and I think that that is the best way that we're going to be able to heal this divide at some point. You know, I agree, yeah.
Speaker 2:I love it. What was another one of yours?
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, let me see, I have learned that, um, getting a new puppy at the beginning of the year I she is now a year old, almost, well, no, she is over a year old we got our Griselda a year ago has really brought in a lot of joy, a lot of joy. She has also wreaked havoc all over our house, like chewing things up, so that literally keeps me pretty busy. She has a lot of energy, so like that literally keeps me pretty busy. She has a lot of energy.
Speaker 1:But you know, last year, right before my second surgery, we lost our beloved Delilah. She was my baby. She helped me through my mom's death. She helped me through the chemo, she helped me through surgeries and I thought she was going to die, like a year prior, but she ended up holding on for another year and then she died a year ago, november, and I, january, came along and somehow Griselda fell on my lap and she just came, you know, came in like a wrecking ball and took over the house and she is just so sweet, even though we're really angry with her this morning because she ate the TV remote. So she has eaten glasses, she has taken chunks out of the, out of the couch. She has so many toys, she has chewed up shoes. So we're always like, okay, okay, I guess now we have to put the remote control away. So she can't get to that, because what she does is she sneaks out during the night and she goes and finds something, and then, you know, the next morning we get up. It's like Griselda.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, so did you discover this, because it wasn't where you had left it.
Speaker 1:Yes, my husband was throwing a fit out in the living room while I was on a call and all of a sudden I lowered my glasses cause I had my glasses my reading glasses on. I lowered my glasses and I looked out back and I saw this little black thing went out there, picked it up and it was the remote chewed up in the rain, in the rain, yeah. So so my, I guess my point to this is is that, um, I really realized even more, even though Delilah died, and I knew this before that having a dog or cat or whatever floats your boat for healing process and comfort through traumas like we've been through is so helpful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so helpful. We got our dog Tess um went during treatment and she, it's like she knew, you know, she knew what I needed during that time and continue. Sure, they, they can be a little rascals, but you know they're such great companions and just there to help us heal and to remind us that, like we can, we can just like soften and, you know, lean into that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:They're there unconditionally and I can hug on them and walk them and play with them and everything, and they're my constant right. So, um, one of the things I also learned was that I, you know, uh and we've talked about this a little bit too is that we can't control everything, but I can control my response. There are a couple of things this, this past year, that I wish so much I could have responded in a different way, but I can't change it. I can't go back, but I can't change it. I can't go back. And I also have to make sure that I can forgive myself and be gentle with myself and remember that I am a human being and that, moving forward, you know I can, I know that I can control how I respond to things and I can forgive myself. That has been a huge theme.
Speaker 2:I think this year for me that's really big.
Speaker 2:One of the big themes for me this year and this is totally different than anything we've talked about was about money.
Speaker 2:Thing we've talked about was about money and that has been a big healing space for me this year is just my own story about money, with money, what money means, about somebody or about me.
Speaker 2:And one of the things that I a couple of the things I learned through that process is that the stories really weren't my own. They were kind of they were picked up right through what I experienced throughout life, either in my home or community or religious space or whatever it was, and those became what I thought were true stories. And this year I realized, just because they've been my thinking, thoughts and beliefs for all this time, I can question them and they don't have to be true. True, and so I've really shifted a lot of the generational beliefs about money and there was a lot to heal there. And when I did that I felt this almost like a lightness of you know, I talk about manifestation and attracting what we desire into our life and again it sounds so obvious that, well, I'm not going to attract things that I have negative thoughts about Right and it was very eyeopening to heal and just heal that story with money that I've been carrying around my whole life.
Speaker 1:Money is a big topic I've gone through. I've talked about this before. I was actually on a podcast with this gal, jennifer Markwell, in Reno. She is a financial advisor and she's got a podcast herself and I was on her podcast talking about the relationship I had with money and it's actually really good and it was really really good for me to actually talk about it because I'd never really talked about it before.
Speaker 2:And so I'll send you that episode.
Speaker 1:You don't Talk about Right Money, sick illnesses, being vulnerable in what's happening inside your mind and your body. So I really do strive to have this podcast available for people to just say it, available for people to just say it. Say it, Um, because nine times out of 10, there are going to be people who are be like oh my God, I never thought I would. I, like Amy just said exactly what I have been thinking and I thought I was this horrible person for feeling this way or something was wrong with me. And the fact of the matter is is that nothing is wrong with you. Like, you are a human being, we are human beings and we need to normalize vulnerability in our, in our society. We, you know, it's just not normalized and it should be. It should be. And also, letting people have those emotions, even children, you know. Like when you have your kids cry, I remember, you know, I remember hearing I'll give you something to cry about instead of just letting me cry, you know, and let me have these emotions. Crying is very healing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Very ugly. Crying is very healing. Oh, we've done a lot of that, me too, definitely.
Speaker 2:Do you have one last one?
Speaker 1:I'm trying to see if we got through, I mean, you know, I guess my biggest theme, um, that I've learned, learned and again, I'm just still trying to struggle through this. We already know this intuitively, but I mean not even intuitively. We've experienced it, but still the human in me still struggles with it, but it is a lesson is that not everyone is going to understand our pain that we have experienced. They will not appreciate my expressive openness. So, like um, I talk about it on the podcast. Not everyone, and you talk about it, not everyone's going to agree with actually talking about this stuff and we need to be okay with it. A couple of days ago, I posted something. I think it was on Christmas, I don't know if you saw it, but I posted something that was very vulnerable in how I was feeling about social interactions, being around people. I have changed.
Speaker 1:So I feel like I've changed so much and that that to some people, I'm not recognizable, um, in the way that I used to be because, most people think that I am very outgoing, um, confident, um, you know, confident, um, you know, don't care what other people think, um, a lot of people, and it's not that in a bad way. I absolutely care what people think. I've always cared, but, you know, just able to just go and be myself and be okay when I come home, when really that doesn't happen to me. I come home and I think to myself fuck, did I say something that might hurt that person's feeling? Did I think about words that I've said?
Speaker 1:I think of how I responded to what somebody has said. I don't know about you, but is this like? I posted it on Facebook and it is astounding how many people actually responded with things like oh my God, this could totally be my post. I feel that way all the time. Or Jamie, my gosh, I used to feel that way and here's what I do to help myself, or you know whatever it is I do to help myself, or you know whatever it is. But I mean, my point is is that I know that not everyone is going to look at that post and go oh yeah, some people are going to be like here she goes again, you know being all open and saying all this stuff.
Speaker 1:That's just ridiculous. You know, like why is she putting that out on Facebook?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can relate to. I mean especially what you were talking about about being different and changed socially. I've experienced a lot of that and I think a lot of that did come from not just breast cancer but going through the trauma of breast cancer during a global pandemic. It was like a double whammy. But that is so true. Not everybody is going to understand one another's pain. You're so right on that.
Speaker 1:No, they're not. But what I did find on a couple of those comments that my post were, jamie, I think that your vulnerability is so appreciated and it's helpful because it helps people open up. I had people messaging me privately and saying things like that Like, hey, I didn't really want to say anything on the post because I just didn't want to, but I want to let you know that I have felt the same way, or I wanted you to know that. I so appreciate your putting that out there, because so many people feel the same way or very similar, and I really think that it's helpful and that is a strength. Yeah, and I have to be okay with holding on to those comments and not worrying about what all the other people may think or what they say. That's what I'm working on this year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's. I think that's part of our life's work. I don't even think that's a year.
Speaker 2:And that actually is. You know, one of my biggest ones was that our inner work and this growth that you know, I know you and I have been doing a lot of and enlightenment, and you know there's this. You know people say personal development, I don't need. I think it's so much deeper than that. I think that this inner work that we do, such as what you were just talking about, with not worrying so much about what other people are thinking, that is life's work, that is the work that we are here to do and that is the reason right, as opposed to getting so caught up in.
Speaker 2:Yes, we have jobs that we do for work or we have businesses that we do for work, but those aren't even for work. That's a monetary exchange, right, the work is what you just said. It's that inner work and it's why I say to people I don't think they're I'm not a big resolutions person no, because it sounds very like you've done something wrong. Right, like something you need to change, where, like a, it's more intentions of what I'm going to continue to learn and how I'm going to continue to grow, yeah, in the coming year.
Speaker 1:I love it. I'm not a resolutions person either, but I do think that the work that we both do is very important. You know, we probably ask outlandish questions that nobody has ever been asked before, and I really do think that it helps open people up and realize that we're not alone. They're not alone and we get to help them and we get to be part of being helped and part of that healing. So well, we are coming up on our hour and I just want to ask you do you have any other lessons that you learned or that you want to share before?
Speaker 2:I think we pretty much covered all of them in some form or fashion Um.
Speaker 1:I do too. Yeah, we're talking about well, I'm just so excited and that you know that you're here and that you, that you decided to do this with me, because what a fun, what a good conversation. It's been very helpful for me so I feel like I can go about my day to day going wow, I just had such a good, positive conversation with you and I know and I just adore you.
Speaker 2:This is how we get to impact the world, which is incredible.
Speaker 1:Exactly Well, I want to tell my I want to tell my audience too, and I will put it in the show notes that your book Bearing it All my Breast Cancer Fuckery. I will put the link in the show notes because anyone who has not read that book I highly recommend reading it. I really do think that it'll speak to you in one way or another. Amy is a gem and I do think that we need to meet each other in person very soon.
Speaker 2:I think my 2025 little book tour needs to come to Reno.
Speaker 1:Totally. I'll help you with that and everything. I would love that. Thank you very much, amy, and to my audience, I appreciate your joining us again on this episode of Test those Breasts and I wish everyone the best New Year's into 2025. And we will see you in season four.
Speaker 1:I will be starting season four of Test those Breasts coming up here in January and, until next time, we will see you on the next episode of Test those Breasts. Bye for now, friends. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Test those Breasts. I hope you got some great much needed information that will help you with your journey. As always, I am open to guests to add value to my show and I'm also open to being a guest on other podcasts where I can add value, so please reach out if you'd like to collaborate. My contact information is in the show notes and, as a reminder, rating, reviewing and sharing this podcast will truly help build a bigger audience all over the world. I thank you for your efforts. I look forward to sharing my next episode of Test those Breasts.
