Ep. 99: How A Diagnosis Sparked A Purpose-Driven Life & A New Way To Heal w/ Veronika Bubenickova

You can feel perfectly fine, hear the word cancer, and watch your whole life tilt. For Veronika Bubenickova, a seasoned product leader, that moment redefined how she approached work, wellness, and what it means to heal. We talk about the HER2+ whirlwind, the shock of chemo, the fatigue that steals sleep, and the mindset shift that turned treatment from a threat into an ally. Veronika shares the simple tools that helped her stay grounded through it all: nourishing food, gentle movement, intentional laughter, and anchoring herself in nature to restore joy and normalcy.

Her greatest act of strength came through self-advocacy, asking hard questions, seeking the right specialists, and making choices that honored both her body and her future. Beyond the medical journey, Veronika opens up about the emotional and spiritual recovery that follows survival: naming the trauma that lingers, finding peace in uncertainty, and learning how to live fully again.

Through Lotus Journey, she now helps other women navigate that same in-between, after treatment, before life feels steady again. Her book, Diary of a Soul Reborn, offers her hard-earned insights and a gentle path toward rebuilding identity, trust, and purpose. If you’re ready to move from doom-scrolling to genuine healing, this conversation is your invitation.

Contact Veronika:

Socials: 

http://www.lotus-journey.com/ 

https://veronika-bubenickova.com/links

LinkedIn

YouTube

Facebook

Instagram

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome, Mission, And Disclaimers
• 1:26 Meet Veronica And Her Lotus Journey
• 4:15 Identity Before Diagnosis
• 10:55 The Day Everything Changed
• 18:59 Diagnosis Details And Treatment Plan
• 24:31 Reframing Chemo With Mind-Body Tools
• 31:20 Finding Joy Between Infusions
• 37:45 Surgery Choices And Self-Advocacy
• 46:20 Reconstruction Realities And Body Image
• 53:50 Nipple Tattoos, Touch-Ups, And Results
• 57:45 Building Lotus Journey: Book And Circles
• 1:04:30 Trauma, Purpose, And Sustainable Healing

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:00

Hello, friends. Welcome back to the Test Those Breasts Podcast. I am your host, Jamie Vaughn. I'm a retired teacher of 20 years and a breast cancer thriver, turned staunch, unapologetic, loud supporter, and advocate for others, bringing education and awareness through a myriad of medical experts, therapists, caregivers, and other survivors. A breast cancer diagnosis is incredibly overwhelming with the mounds of information out there, especially on Dr. Google. I get it. I'm not a doctor, and I know how important it is to uncover accurate information, which is my ongoing mission through my nonprofit. The podcast includes personal stories and opinions from breast cancer survivors and professional physicians, providing the most up-to-date information at the time of recording. Evidence, research, and practices are always changing, so please check the date of the recording and always refer to your medical professionals for the most up-to-date information. I hope you find this podcast a source of inspiration and support from my guests. Their contact information is in the show notes, so please feel free to reach out to them. We have an enormous breast cancer community ready to support you in so many ways. Now let's listen to the next episode of Test Those Breasts. Well, hello, friends. Welcome back to this episode of Test Those Breasts. I am your host, Jamie Vaughn, and today I have my new breasty friend, Veronica Bubinichkova. When Veronica was diagnosed with breast cancer, it unraveled more than just her health. It shook the identity she had built over two decades in the corporate world, leading product teams and delivering complex digital solutions. No strategy deck could prepare her for quite the reckoning that followed, questions about identity, body, and the isolation hidden between the word survivor. Now, through her platform, Lotus Journey, Veronica supports women in the in-between space, where treatment may be over, but healing has just begun. She offers more than care plans, space to grieve, recalibrate, and choose what comes next. Her approach blends grounded lifestyle shifts, nutrition, toxin reduction, nervous system care with intuitive healing work like trauma integration and energy-based modalities. It's not about bypassing pain, but meeting it with honesty, patience, and agency. Veronica brings a clear-eyed view of recovery from lingering fear to the invisible work of rebuilding trust in body and self. She speaks to survivors, those in treatment, and their loved ones, gently guiding women towards reinvention, not as something to force, but to grow into. Hello, Veronica. I am so excited that you're on today because this is a topic that oftentimes we don't even talk about. And I believe that it needs to be talked about. And we need people like you out there to guide women and men through this part of the journey. How are you doing today? And we finally got to connect. You're overseas. Tell us where you are. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_01: 3:18

Hello, everyone. It's really an honor to be here. Thank you for having me on your podcast and uh giving me the opportunity to um share um and talk about our stories together and to connect with your audience. I am connecting from um Mediterranean from Malta, uh, where I've recently relocated.

SPEAKER_02: 3:40

Okay, very cool. Well, my audience usually knows that I'm on video. You've got a great display in the back of and in your background. It's very beautiful. It kind of goes along with um sort of the healing modalities that you put out there. So I I would love for you to explain to our audience who Veronica is, um, you know, just who you were actually before breast cancer, and yeah, what what were you doing in the corporate world?

SPEAKER_01: 4:15

Before the diagnosis, I was a very career-oriented um woman. I was very independent, I wanted to do everything on my own, be self-sufficient, I pushed very hard for success, and um that took its toll as well because I I lived for my career and for climbing the career ladder. But even then, there was always something on the back of my mind that was telling me, you know, I want more from this life. I want to be able to look back one day and to say, okay, I was able to contribute to this world in a meaningful way. Um, and that's what I was missing from the career, but I just didn't know I could do anything different. Um of course, even financially, you know, I wasn't able to just quit my job and to start something new, and I didn't even know what that would be. I knew that I wanted to write a book, I knew I wanted to help other people, but I even didn't think I had anything to offer to others. So I think that was the biggest shift was the old old Veronica, always stressed, always uh always busy. Um but that version of me that didn't quite know myself. Um although I wanted to know, and I was uh around spiritual and personal development since I was maybe around 18, still I didn't got to the essence of what really makes me tick and what is what is it that I am really passionate about. Um and it was the diagnosis that made me think because I did question my life purpose because actually, just before the diagnosis, I got to the point that I received an amazing job offer, it was a big career progression, it um it was a huge pay rise, and it was just like I was kind of living my dream. I felt really healthy, I was really active, running every day 5 to 10k. So I literally thought like I got it all, but the one thing that was um bothering me for you uh like was that I didn't know what's my life purpose. I believe that we all come here with a purpose, um, and I didn't know what my purpose was, and then when the diagnosis came, which was maybe two weeks later, after this deep questioning, it was it was of course it was devastating, my whole life fell apart. But what made me go into that mode of I've got this, I'm going to do everything to get through this, and maybe one day I will be able to help others, and you know, looking back, maybe that was the way how I actually dealt with the trauma, how I dealt with why such a bad thing could happen to me. But it helped me greatly on the journey to have the determination that not only I'm doing it for myself, but I'm doing it for potential other people in the future. And um that I had a dream, kind of that kind of dream when when you know that one day that maybe never comes, I will write a book. And this was the moment when I started journaling everything, and I knew instantly that when I get through this, I'm starting writing a book. And I did. So um although the cancer diagnosis took a lot from me, it also gave me a completely different perspective, and uh it accelerated things that I was kind of putting on hold because of building the career and because of trying to sustain myself. Um, and I was just pushing, pushing, pushing without realizing the moments that we have to cherish, without spending enough time with my family, with my friends, without um reflecting enough and giving myself the space to heal physically, emotionally, and to actually tap into what's really important for me.

SPEAKER_02: 9:16

Yeah, so there's a there's a theme that I tend to notice is that most of the women that I have interviewed were these really busy driven women who most of them also were even healthy. They were, you know, you were talking about how you ran every day and you probably were very healthy. And maybe people were asking you, my gosh, you were so healthy though. How are you getting cancer? I mean, that's what happened to me. And it was like, I didn't know who knew that healthy people could get cancer, right? I mean, I knew that intellectually, I knew that. But I mean, it was amazing how many people asked me or said something like that to me. It's like, Jamie, but you were so healthy. How, how, you know, and and and healthy people can get cancer. Um, but that other theme of being stressed out, um, very driven, busy all the time, taking care of everyone else before, you know, themselves or whatever it is. But so you knew that you had something that you wanted to do, you just didn't know what it was. And somehow this monkey wrench that turned in to be a positive thing kind of came flying at you, gave you cancer, you had to get through that. It seems that sometimes when women are so focused on their career and so busy and taking care of everyone else, that's the strength that we have grabbed onto to help us actually get through the diagnosis itself. So tell us about your diagnosis and you know what what was the diagnosis? When were you diagnosed? How old were you? Tell us all the things, Veronica.

SPEAKER_01: 11:05

So I was 39, just uh close to turning 14. Um, and it was end of January, and I came from my Friday afternoon run, had a nice bath, thinking now I'm gonna be relaxing and enjoying the weekend. And that's when I noticed the changes where my right breast was uh very swollen, it was very lumpy, and it was much bigger than the left breast. But then two years before then, I suspected something in the same breast, um, coincidentally, uh, but that was benign, but I knew the process. I knew that uh I would go to GP and they would refer me to a breast uh clinic, and it would be the standard procedure, and they always refer it as a suspect of cancer, even if they don't think it might be cancer. It's just the procedure of making sure, like the proceed process of prevention of breast cancer. So when obviously it was Friday evening, so I couldn't do anything until Monday morning. So Monday morning I went to the GP and I knew instantly they will refer me to the breast planning. And you know, you start like thinking about it, like what could this be? And at first I thought, well, I was before my period, so maybe it's hormones. And um then when I got to the GP, she said exactly the same. But maybe you will notice that it will just you know go back to normal in within a few days, but I will refer you to the clinic anyway. And then within the two weeks I was waiting for the uh examination at the one-stop shop clinic. I at first I tried to be like really like positive and it it will be fine, but then the period came, it uh left, and then the breast didn't get any better. So I started thinking, well, maybe I injured myself, maybe you're just because I'm quite clumsy sometimes. So maybe I just hit myself in the breast and it's swollen or something. But two days um before uh the appointment at the clinic, I had another lump size of a grape popping on top of my breast, so it was literally like sticking out, so I could feel the heart lump, and that was when I started to panic. What also kind of freaked me out was the day after someone who didn't know what I was going through, that I was awaiting this examination, and then I found some changes in breast, send me a video of a TED talk from Anita Moriani, who had a near deaf experience, and she she had advanced stage of cancer, and um she was talking about how how she actually touched the other side and got back and healed.

SPEAKER_00: 14:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 14:13

And it was almost like I knew it was really bad, and it was almost like a sign from somewhere that maybe you know that my situation's not good, but I didn't want to admit it at all. So when I got to the breast clinic, I was still like thinking, well, I will convince myself that I'm helping and all will be fine. But um, yeah, unfortunately, they did the ultrasounds, the mammograms, um, examine me physically, and then even throughout that, um throughout that process in the at the clinic, there were signs already that looking back I could could have read through, but I didn't because I didn't want to like even admit that you know it could be something serious like cancer. So when they told me to then get dressed and then go to another room to make an appointment, I still thought it will be just making an appointment because I thought I would be waiting for the results of the biopsies, and that that will take time, and somehow I will be able to prepare myself for it. But they opened the door to the room, nice pink cushions, beautiful decorated room, and I knew uh-oh, this is the room where they tell you the bad news. Oh gosh, and yeah, it was they brought me hot chocolate, they sat me down, and they said that from what they've seen, it's 99% cancer. And I remember that moment was like I was just dreaming, like I literally felt like I left my body, like I wasn't there, and I was just observing and couldn't like comprehend what I was hearing. Um my whole life obviously fell apart. Um and because obviously at that point no one knew if if it was curable or not. They thought like that it's usually treatable, but they can't know at that at that moment. Um and on that day I was meant to visit my friend just after the after uh the appointment, and that was the best thing that could have happened to me. It wasn't planned, like didn't obviously planned for it, but if I didn't have that um coffee arranged with my friend, I wouldn't know where to go. I wouldn't know what to do with myself because I came to the hospital on my own. And I remember driving to my friend's house who lives like 15 minutes from the hospital for maybe 45. I probably shouldn't have been driving either because I was just forgetting to turn and then just go somewhere else, and I was completely like out of like I couldn't process the information, so it was very, very strange, uh strange moments. Um, and then when I got to my friend, he tried to cheer me up and he spoke to me for two for two hours maybe, and I remember, you know, like you listen to him, but you're not there. Um but then when I was leaving um their house, I remember reaching for the handle uh of my car, and then suddenly it was like you know, the all the time, all these hours, I was just processing the information, like my head was a computer, and I was trying to find the result of like a very slow motion of a Google search or something. And then as I was reaching for the handle, it was like something clicked, and I turned around, look at my friend, and said, I don't know how, but I've got this, I'm gonna get through this no matter what what the results are. And then since that moment, I remember then driving another 40 minutes back home. It was like I was creating like a little action plan. I didn't know much, but I knew I need to look at what I'm uh what I'm eating. Uh, I've heard that people use choosing to boost their immune system and to help them to support the recovery. Um, I knew I would do spiritual healing, emotional trauma healing, everything I knew that could potentially be linked somehow to the uh disease or any imbalance in the body. Um so it was like a little brainstorm of things I was going to do. And that since that moment, I was on a mission. Um, and I think that helped me probably be being the woman hyper-achiever, having that goal and like go for it, uh, helped me um to put my mind a little bit at ease. Although obviously there were many other moments when I was completely like broken down and um in pieces.

SPEAKER_02: 19:19

Yeah, so you're the fixer. You um you strike me as the person who would have a plan for a friend if she was also told that she had cancer or he had cancer, that okay, here's the plan. You're already wheels are already turning of what the plan is. So yeah, that's really interesting. And I will say that I did not get chocolates, Veronica. That's a really good touch. It's like I've never heard anybody come in with chocolates to tell them they have cancer. It didn't help much though. They didn't even finish interviews. I mean, I had never even thought about that. Why, why don't all places do that, right? But then of course they're like, oh, here we go. They're gonna tell me I have cancer. Um, well, that is great that you were able to go hang out with your friend and uh, you know, you just sort of to help you process that. So what what ended up being the diagnosis? What what kind of breast cancer, what stage was it?

SPEAKER_01: 20:23

So it was HER2 positive, and it was invasive ductrocarcinoma, so spreading really fast. That's why another lump size of the grape appeared within a space of two weeks, because it was fast growing. Uh, basically, the whole right breast was covered in the calcification. There were two tumors, uh, grades two and three, and the lymph nodes looked um now remembered something. The lymph nodes looked um inflammatory, so like they could have been um affected by the cancer. So they took a couple of biopsies from uh from the lymph nodes, but at the end they said they they only looked like that they inflamed, but they didn't uh show that they would be cancerous. But when I got to my first appointment with the oncologist, she went through all the results with me, and then she was talking to me in the way like the lymph nodes uh were cancerous, and I just told her that I was told that they are just inflamed, not cancerous, and she looked at me and said, Well, I don't think so. So there was a moment when if I wasn't like already quite hyped with, you know, I will do I've got this and I'll do you know positive thinking and I will not get this to me, whatever they tell me. Like there was a moment that I thought, well, you know, what that what this can do to people when they told something like that. Because what it was, like what she actually meant was until they take the lymph nodes out, they can't be hundred percent sure if they are really, you know, if there's not any microscopic um particle of the cancer in them. But she said it that way that it wasn't.

SPEAKER_02: 22:26

But what you heard, what what you heard was different.

SPEAKER_01: 22:31

Definitely, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:33

Yeah. Yeah, uh, my oncologist did that to me too. Um, I was told that they were it was just inflamed, and then she told me that that I would need um radiation because it it made it to my lymph nodes. And I said, Well, that's not what I was told. And in the end, it wasn't in my lymph node. They did uh remove some to to test them, but it was kind of scary that she said that. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. So were you um estrogen progesterone negative or positive? Uh negative. Um you and I had the same, you and I had the same diagnosis. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01: 23:12

So yeah, yeah, heard two, yeah. And were you stage two? Oh, two and three. So I had two tumors, and one was two and one was three.

SPEAKER_02: 23:23

Okay. So then once you found out the diagnosis, what were the treatments like?

SPEAKER_01: 23:31

So, yeah, so I think that's the moment of because I my plan was to start with five and a half months of chemotherapy. So every three weeks, um, one treatment. So it was seven treatments in total, and then I had a little break, and then um mastectomy, and then radiation was still questionable because it depended on whether the lymph nodes will have some cancerous uh particles or not. Um, so what I think the the breaking point here is, and you you know uh exactly what uh what I will say, um, that you're going through feeling absolutely healthy but being very sick but just not knowing about it, into feeling completely defeated, hide a chemo that will make you healthy. So I think this is just like a really moment when you realize that you need to go from feeling healthy to feeling completely unhealthy in order to get better.

SPEAKER_02: 24:43

It's one of the most bizarre exhaustion feelings I've ever gone through. And it's hard to explain. Like you're not just tired all the time, like you are so exhausted that it's hard to sleep. For me, it was hard to sleep. Um, I tried so hard, and every time I fell asleep, it was I would wake up like three minutes later. So it was just this your whole entire body is just exhausted. And I think what cancer patients need to keep in mind, and I tried to keep this in mind as much as I could, that the efficacy of the chemo, uh I just kept telling myself that it was working. Like the chemo was inside me. I'm supposed to feel this way, it's going in, it's getting the cancer, and um, that was the main reason I was able to make it through the way that I did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 25:44

Yeah, yeah, I can I can relate to this. And uh I was really fortunate because someone um so I was really into like the mind body healing and interested into how actually our mind can influence the body. And that was before I was diagnosed, and um I did a few courses on a silver method, which is kind of like controlling your own mind. And uh, when I was diagnosed, I was starting, um, I started to attend like bi-weekly calls with the instructors, and it was actually one of the instructors uh who told me because I was worried about like starting the chemo, and he actually explained to me that mind-wise, it's much worse thinking about the fear of what it will do to you, whether short term or long term, because you know there are all sorts of things you can read online and you you can easily freak out, right? Very much so. And then uh on the other side, you read about all these people who healed naturally, and then you think, like, well, why I have to go through chemo, and you know, there are people healing naturally, and it's just so much like um conflict within within within um it was within me, but he said you have to not opt out because you fear the chemo, you have to see it as your best friend, and he taught me like techniques how to work with visualizing that the chemo when I'm getting the treatment, I was literally trying to visualize how it goes just in the cancer cells and it doesn't affect the other cells, and then I was continuing visualizing how how I can do the things I normally can do again, because that means that I recovered. So I kind of in my mind always focused on the positive, although there were side effects and I had side effects too, but I never like dwelled on them and tried to like always visualize the next day or the next afternoon that I will feel already better. So he helped me to really like focus the mind on where I want to get to rather than oh, this chemo is really making me feel horrible, and then you read, you know, or all sorts of side effects. And it actually helped me to then realize that whatever we do, whether that's changing lifestyle, whether that's choosing if we go with conventional treatment or opt-out, whatever we do, we have to do because we believe in it, right? And because we do it from the place of love to ourselves that we wanted to heal, and we all have different paths and different things work for different people. So there is no you know, simple um hint for everyone. But I do believe that whatever we do, even in life, not just in cancer um recovery, we have to do it because we believe in it and it is what we want to do for ourselves, right? Rather than focus on fear, because if we do something out of a fear, it's firstly it doesn't last very long, and then we actually um get into the guilt of breaking some rules. For example, if I choose to um have a healthy diet and then I have something that's unhealthy, then if we do it from the place of fear, we tend to feel guilty after that, and that guilt also builds up the negative energy and the negative thoughts. So that's why I always say to everyone whatever you choose, whatever's right for you, you have to do it because you want to do it that way, and it's it resonates with you.

SPEAKER_02: 29:42

Yeah, that's uh that's really great advice. Um, I think you know, I remember being so fearful at the beginning. Oh my gosh, I was so fearful. And then once I got through the first chemo and kind of had an understanding of what it would feel like, that helped because I remember after. Asking one of my uh I taught these uh these twins actually when they were in middle school and their mom was going through breast cancer at the time. And she was incredibly helpful to me when I got diagnosed. And I remember texting her one day and I said, I'm just so scared. And she said, What are you scared of? And I said, I am scared of the chemo. And she goes, Well, what what about the chemo are you actually frightened of? And I said, I feel like I feel like uh it's gonna be this big monster that's gonna come inside my body and just ravish it. And and it's just gonna be this dark, like that's that's how I felt. And she says, I wish so much that you have already gone through your first cycle because then you will have an understanding of what it's gonna feel like and when you're gonna start feeling better, and then when you're gonna start even feeling better than that. And so, and she was right. I remember getting through my first one, and just like clockwork, like everyone said, you're gonna feel horrible probably for the first four or five days. Um, and then you'll start to incrementally feel better. By the second week, you know, you'll feel a little more like yourself, and by the third week, back to yourself. And that's essentially what happened. I mean, there were things that happened in between, like nosebleeds and all, you know, things like that. But for the most part, I was able to get a grasp on how my life was going to go for the next, you know, five months or whatever through those cycles. And every three weeks, um, I asked my husband, can we do something normal, like go camping? So we had a camping trip planned every three weeks at somewhere different where we had never been before, just to get out there and enjoy nature. That was extremely helpful to me because that's something that I was able to look forward to, right? So I could picture my life at that time and it was so helpful. So I think what you're saying is so valuable because I think we get inside of our heads so much, and that fear just really, you know, strangles us. And to be able to hear someone like you say that, um, I think it makes it a lot more doable for people, right?

SPEAKER_01: 32:34

Absolutely. And that this is amazing what you just said, because like on the reflection, I was the most afraid of maybe it's the fear of unknown. It's it's the perception and um assumptions that we make about chemo before we have the experience. And uh like you, I had uh someone actually from the silver method uh community who um who knew what I was going through and they messaged me and said, Well, I've I've been I'm just recovering from it, so if you want to have a chat, you can have a chat. And I remember this um this lady called me. I mean, we we never met. It's just like because she knew she could resonate and she wanted to help, she offered uh to talk to me, and she actually said exactly like how she experienced it, and then she said, always you know, try to do normal things when when you feel better, and she told me one one great advice simple thing, is she said just try to laugh a lot, laugh to as many things as you can, find things to laugh about because it will it will just make it easier, but uh similar to what you said, you went camping like every three weeks. I actually when I reflect on the whole five and a half months of chemotherapy, I have so many good memories, which is sounds bizarre, but because every time I felt uh recovered and I felt better, I almost like try to make most of it. I knew I have like two weeks left, one week left, and I wanted to do this this weekend and then go somewhere and then uh drive to the seaside and just be. And I was kind of like living my life compared to the career-driven life before, and it was just work, work, work, and thinking about work, and even when I went for a walk, I would think about work, and this was different. I suddenly like switched to what the life should be about during that time when I felt felt better because I knew then then it will hit me again and then I will be recovering. So I think this is the I think this is probably the most important message to everyone who is now going through breast cancer and chemotherapy is to try to make most of the days when you feel better.

SPEAKER_02: 35:14

Gosh, I've never heard anybody say it quite like that. I I will say that I look back and I remember everything pretty vividly. And those camp trips I remember very vividly. And you're right, I was living my life. And I don't know whether I told you this in our pre-interview, um, but I had just retired. So everything prior to that was work, work, work, work, work. Um, you know, I lived my life too, but it was all about work. Um, and when I was going through the chemo, literally right after I retired, I was really living my life. I was, you know, obviously dealing with the ickys, you know, when I was going through the chemo, but those camp trips were amazing. And I also remember that at the very end, towards the very end of my chemo, it was like on my birthday, I think it was, in October, we went paddleboarding up at Lake Tahoe dressed as witches. It was a witch's paddleboarding. And I'll never forget that day. That was such an amazing day. I had a long purple wig and a witch's costume, and I went paddleboarding. I'll never forget that day. Yeah. And um, and I I remember I was going right into the chemo the very next day, I think it was. But then I ended up not getting the chemo because my hemoglobin was super low. I had this really rare anemia that I that I developed during the chemo. And so I ended up not getting the chemo the next day. Instead, I had to go get a blood transfusion. But still, it was on my birthday. That was a memorable one for me. So, oh my gosh, do you have a little kitty in the background? Hi. And he wants to jump on the keyboard. Okay. Sometimes my dog, you know, comes in here and peeks in. So I just saw her. Uh, is it is it a black cat? Is it black and white cat? Yeah. Oh my gosh, I just saw the tail. Um trying to get in the which is, oh hi. Hi, little babies. Oh, what a beautiful cat. Wow. Yeah, very cute. Um, okay, so let's switch gears a little bit and let's fast forward. We're you were through the chemo, you had your mastectomy, you had the deep flap surgery as well, just like I did. Yes?

SPEAKER_01: 37:46

I did at the end, yes. Tell us about that. So before before I actually made the decision, because I would say that the whole uh chemo process, I was kind of aiming in my head for being able to avoid the operation. I was so frightened to so once you master the chemo, then you know the next spheres come along, right? And then I was so frightened that I wouldn't feel complete if I lose my breast. And I don't know, I just set it in my head that maybe I don't need the operation if the chemo removes the cancer. But obviously they they told me that they would uh do domastectomy anyway just because the tissue had had been already impacted. But I don't know, I was just still aiming for like be cancer free before the operation, and um there's actually two two things in parallel. So one was that um the last scan um after the last chemo showed that like the breast was clear of the classification, but there was still around two millimeters of tumor left, and I remember I was so like disappointed. I was I was meant to be grateful, I even felt like I was disgraceful because it still shrunk, but I just wanted to be like clear of it, and what was really interesting, I think if when or if it was clear, I would have been on that edge of should I opt out from the operation or should I not? Whether because there was still cancer remaining, I just went in the operation. Um, but when they actually took the tissue out throughout that operation and sent it to the lab, they didn't find any cancer. So I kind of said, yes, so you know I made it, but it was meant to be for me to actually get to that stage when I was going through the last scan. And there was another thing in parallel that happened because throughout chemo they called me once and they said, Oh, you've got something on your lungs, and it looks like a rare condition that puts pressure on your blood vessels, and it's like a lifelong condition. And they booked me for appointment with the respiratory team. But this condition would mean that I wouldn't be able to do reconstruction at the same time because you wouldn't be able to do longer operations, and they scheduled the appointment with the respiratory team just after the operation. And it was uh I was really fortunate that my plastic surgeon actually noticed that and he said, Can you bring that appointment forward? Because maybe it's just a side effect of the chemo, maybe you don't have the condition at all. And I'm glad he actually made that point because we brought the operation forward, it showed that it it is impossible for me to have this condition because of other tests. So, therefore, I could go for uh the bigger operation and I could go for uh the reconstruction at the same time. So, why I'm actually sharing this, just I always say to everyone who's going through breast cancer, you kind of need to be in control of what's going on, because although they are all experts in their fields, there is no project manager, if you like, to kind of connect all the dots together. Um, and it is up to us to to actually uh take care of that because what it would have if I wasn't and even if the plastic surgeon didn't like point this out, I would have opted for mastectomy, and then I would have to wait another at least a year or maybe two for the reconstruction because once the cancer's gone, then uh at least in the UK, you get at the bottom of the priority list. So it makes then the waiting longer. So luckily, uh I could do uh everything in one go. So I had the uh the ep flaps from the tummy and that's another quite um kind of it's it's a black humor, but it's funny story. At the beginning of the year, before I was diagnosed, I always had a little like tummy fare. It's just always even when I was active, I never got rid of it. And I said to myself at the beginning of the year that I want to achieve the flat tummy. But I kind of imagined that I would go to the gym or you know, hire a personal trainer and got it that way. But of course, when the cancer diagnosis came to my life and then I was selecting uh the type of reconstruction and I was recommended to have the reconstruction from the tummy fat, that was the first time I was actually really grateful that I had the fat around my tummy because I could uh um I could go for this type of operation um when um because I just didn't want to have the implant because I wouldn't then need follow-up operations. So uh it was my kind of thing to use the tummy fat for uh for the breast. But um yeah, I I would say uh be careful what you wish for because I did achieve the flat tummy, but the way that I would never expect it to.

SPEAKER_02: 43:34

Right, exactly. It's like it's kind of like my short hair. I never would have cut my hair short on purpose, but since I lost it all and then you know it was growing back, it's like, oh, I'm I'm keeping it fairly short, and I used to have long hair like you, you know. I mean, I just always thought, oh, you know, I could never do short hair, I don't I wouldn't look good with short hair. And now I actually like it. So it's like I mean, things happen for whatever reason, and this is why it happened for me. So you're your surgeon, um, and I want to go back for a second into something that you said about making sure that you're paying attention and advocating for yourself and and listening to what the doctors are saying, because I think it is a common theme for breast cancer patients and anyone who's going through cancer for that matter, that we hear different things from different doctors and sometimes they don't connect. And that was the same thing that happened to me with this rare anemia. Well, a couple different things. The rare anemia thing, my oncologist thought it was a uh an iron deficiency, when in fact it was actually a very rare anemia called um pure red blood cell aplasia anemia. Who knew? I didn't even, I've never even heard of such a thing. And it came out of another tumor that they found, and it was emitting these antibodies that were attacking my red blood cells as they were being produced. So I had to get a bunch of blood transfusions. But my oncologist kept telling me to go get more iron and eat more bloody red steaks. Whereas um another oncologist came out one time when she was gone, and he looked over my records and really, really looked them over. And he says, I think what's happening is, and he told me what he thought was happening. And that is when my oncologist referred me to UC Davis in California, and that's when I found out what was really happening with my body. And then I also got even a third opinion, and um where we were able to take care of it. But if it wasn't for him telling me that, me listening, and then me advocating for myself and getting other opinions, then I, you know, who knows where I would be. But um, I just think that that's a really good piece of advice, too, is to be able to listen, pay attention to what people are talking about, what the doctors are saying, and because doctors are human beings too. They they are not infallible. And it's not that they're not good, it's just that, you know, we know just as much as we know, right? But being able to advocate for ourselves. So going back to your surgeon, your breast surgeon, is this someone who you were referred to? Is this someone who is very well known as a microsurgeon in the area? How did you come about that person?

SPEAKER_01: 46:40

Yeah, so for I mean, they were all um like I was allocated to them because it was through NHS, so it wasn't uh through private care. But uh with the breast surgeon, I never really uh exported. I think I was just like so overwhelmed. I know now I would definitely seek more opinions than one. But um I can't say like I didn't trust him or anything. He always like everything he said made kind of sense at the end. Um and the plastic surgeon also I was allocated to him, but I did uh learn about him that he was uh quite a well-known plastic surgeon in in our area.

SPEAKER_02: 47:28

And are you happy with your results? I am, I am, yes. Good. It is scary though. I mean, my friends wanted to have a boob, a boob funeral for me. I don't remember what they were calling it. They were calling it some sort of thing where because it because as women we are very attached to our breasts, most of us are. I was I mourned them, man. I was really upset. And like you, I was going in because my chemo worked very well and shrunk the tumor tremendously. In fact, yesterday I posted on Facebook that I had gone in and got my scans and they and found out that the chemo, in fact, had shrunk that tumor to the point where they barely even could feel it. And so um, I was so excited about that. And I thought, in my mind, maybe I'll just be able to get a lump back to me. When I went in to see my surgeon, she said that we needed to take the left breast. And I was just devastated again because I thought for sure that I wouldn't have to do that. And I was, I really did go through some major emotions about all of that. But in the end, I ended up going to New Orleans, Louisiana, and getting my surgery there because a uh a hospital there was referred to me by three different people. And I am very thrilled with my experience there. My surgeon, Dr. Cabling, who I've interviewed on this podcast, is amazing. And I went to him for phase one and phase two. And, you know, he's really very empathetic and wants women to feel good about their bodies. He likes to be able to help women get to a point where they'd feel pretty again. You know what I mean? And so I really appreciated that about him. And we had a great conversation on my podcast. Um, he's just very, very skilled, and it's super important for people to find a very skilled fellowship-trained microsurgeon to do that type of surgery because that surgery is no joke, right?

SPEAKER_01: 49:56

Yes, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was I think mine was planned for nine hours and it took 12 hours at the end, not because there was some complication with me. I think because there was also like a strike on that day, so I don't know if they didn't have enough, enough staff. I don't know what happened, but um I was asleep, but it I know it took I don't even know what happened, I was asleep. I mean all my family was obviously stressed, but I was yeah, I was having a nice nap. Um so yeah, 12 hours um is definitely uh a big operation.

SPEAKER_02: 50:32

Now, did you go for a phase one and a phase two?

SPEAKER_01: 50:37

So what uh depending, yeah, what uh what what you mean by phase one and two?

SPEAKER_02: 50:44

So they for phase yeah, for phase two, I went back in and they did a lift and they went in to my stomach and did a little bit of liposuction to get rid of that little poof because sometimes uh you kind of get that little poof in there, they call it, they call it the ken doll. Um, and I I didn't want that. And they also you also sometimes can get those dog ears on the side. So they went to take those out and then they did a little lipo and then took that and and uh put it into my breast to do a little a little lift.

SPEAKER_01: 51:18

Yeah, so so there were like two phases, but um, so with the with the tummy that that was completely all good, so we didn't do any adjustments there, but then with the breast, because the breast ended up bigger um quite significantly. Like it was um, I mean, if you saw me like in like a t-shirt or top, you wouldn't necessarily notice, but I noticed because it was almost like I needed different size of bra on each breast, which was then either it was too small on one side or too big um on the other. So um yeah, so they did adjustment and they adjusted so they now like similar, similar size. But I would say like I was even saying to to my plastic surgeon that I'm actually like happier with the reconstructed breast than with the than with the perimenopausal other natural breast. So I think for me the biggest um challenge, like after I accepted the fact of you know going through the operation and everything, um I think it's it still is that it's not completely even. Um because I like things like evenly, like even at home, everything's kind of like in order. So, yeah, so when I look at it, it's all fine, but you know, you bent uh forward or something, and it's just yeah, there are things that obviously are not uh the way uh how we work like yeah, and then I mean let's face it, they don't look the same, they just don't.

SPEAKER_02: 52:55

And uh mine don't look the same. And I remember us talking to you have 3D nipple tattoos as well. I do. Um I went to the same.

SPEAKER_01: 53:03

I'm planning to, yeah. I'm still I can't still yeah, because they didn't allow me to have it yet because they wanted to settle properly, and then I I'll I'll have the sweetie tattoo.

SPEAKER_02: 53:13

Okay, you're gonna be very pleasantly surprised. It's very fascinating. I I um I'm actually going back to get a touch-up in December. I'm going to uh San Antonio, where I got my first ones um from a medical spa called Perky. And they're two oncological nurses who do those 3D and 4D nipple tattoos. And I did that, God, it's almost been a couple of years now, but I'm going back there to do a touch-up in December. So I'm super excited about that. Um, okay, so for our last few minutes of um our conversation, I want to talk about Lotus Journey Coaching and Cultancy, what you're doing in your survivorship. How are you out there helping other patients and survivors, like you said, in that in-between stage?

SPEAKER_01: 54:04

So I first would mention the book because the book is fairly, fairly new. It took it took some time to write. But and originally the book was meant to capture my story, and then all the tools and tips are used on my journey, and the things are researched and and so on. But then it ended up to be too too long, and the publisher says you have to cut it down. So I had to take this stuff out. And so what I did, I turned it into like an online course. But the book, the book is available, and it was launched uh in October officially. Really, really happy. One of my dreams came true. Um, it was it felt really surreal to actually hold the book in my hands. So it's available on Amazon or on on my website. If you order it on my website, for listeners who are in EU and UK, I can post it through my website and put handwritten note uh as well. But for listeners in in the States, I think that the postage would be more expensive than the book, so it's better to order it on Amazon.

SPEAKER_02: 55:15

Okay, and we'll make sure we'll put that that link in the show notes as well. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 55:20

Perfect, thank you. Um, and then I run uh monthly, I call them like healing circles. And um like a variety, I'm doing like one is meditation circle, one is healing circle, where they ended up usually very similar, and they are free uh spaces uh where women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, but also survivors who maybe still struggle or just find it difficult to move forward. Um, so what we do, like none of the I mean it's the same event, but it's always different because it depends. Uh it's usually different women joining and with different challenges. So we always talk about what is related to them. So I do follow some structure, but usually I try to tailor it to the women who join the circles and what is their biggest challenge at that time to help them to use their mind, how to focus on healing rather than on the illness, and give them like um strategies and like kind of homeworks to do that can help them to relieve stress, anxiety, you know, the fear before or another scan, and also we touch the diet and the nutrition. So it's like a variety of topics uh to cover. Sometimes it's about trauma healing. So these are like open to anyone as many times as they want. And then I do one-on-one work, which is either when we go into the trauma healing, because I am a believer that uh every trauma that we've been through causes an imbalance somewhere in our body or in our energetic body or in our physical body, eventually, and then these traumas need to be cleared in order to um enhance even the recovery journey, and also the cancer journey itself is a trauma, and I think that's what we sometimes forget because even like patients who are into the spiritual healing and they really interested into this uh psychosomatic spiritual causes of any imbalances in the body, and try to like tap into these, then sometimes forget that once they finish the treatment, there is another trauma to be healed because it's the cancer that needs to be healed, otherwise, it can again stay with us. I mean, it's always be part of us, but if it's kind of unresolved, it can cause uh further issues down the line. So that's one of the topics, and I'm starting to tap into like intergenerational traumas as well, because that's something that already has been scientifically proved that we can inherit traumas uh for generations down on uh on the epigenetic level. So I find it quite fascinating. Um, and then um I've run like a six month or twelve month transformational programs, which are essentially one-on-one programs to go through everything. So I become a part of someone's healing journey, and um, we will look at the physical element, which is the diet, the toxins, then we look at uh how to tackle the mind, then we look at the emotional healing and the spiritual connection and purpose beyond the journey. So that's that's quite an intensive uh program with a lot of sessions, and I do hold space probably for four, a maximum five women at the same time because it's quite okay.

SPEAKER_02: 59:08

Yeah, I was just gonna ask you how many people at a time are usually on there. That probably is a nice amount of people because if you get too many on there, you know, not everyone gets to really savor what's happening and and uh, you know, get a lot out of it. I think that's so great. And so on your website, lotus-journey.com, yeah. And I'll make sure that I have all of that information in the show notes, how to get a hold of you, um, and all the things. So I just really think that there are certain people who, after we get through this, the first part of cancer journey, there are people who surface and are able to help other survivors or other patients. And I'm just so grateful to who I stumbled upon when I was going through it when I was. First diagnosed and then going through. Um, and then of course became a podcaster and a nonprofit, you know. Uh I run a nonprofit through test those breasts. And I just think it's so important for all of us to be out there. And I had a friend of mine when I was first diagnosed that told me that this is the sisterhood of all sisterhoods, and it really is, you know, and I have other friends who've had different kinds of cancers that they don't feel like there is that big of a sisterhood. So I feel like all categories of cancer should have some sort of a sisterhood or brotherhood so that people can get, you know, the most support that they possibly can get, because that is what gets us through, right? So I just definitely yeah, I really appreciate your being here with me, Veronica. I know it took us a few times to to connect because of our time difference, and but we did it. We did it. Is there anything that you would like to leave us with before we disconnect today?

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:05

I think I would follow on what you what you've just said about the sisterhood and or brotherhood, because I would say when we surround ourselves with people or when when we need to seek someone to follow when we are diagnosed, I think the big key is to start following people who have been through what we've been through and get to where we want to be. So don't follow people um who will scare you, don't follow people and groups where you will just read about all the side effects and how bad it is for the people who are who have the energy to to lift your spirits up and to take you the other side of the journey.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:53

Right. And I would add to that, Veronica. I I so agree with that. I had a friend of mine that told me the only thing she would tell me not to do is don't Google stuff because you can really get yourself down a rabbit hole. Um I had to sort of back out of certain groups on Facebook where all I did see was this doom and gloom. It was just, it was getting to me. Um, but what I will add is that yes, we do want to surround ourselves with people who are going to get us through and give us, you know, um their experience and what they did to help themselves. Because we also want people to be able to be there to hold space for us. They want people to be there, not to minimize how we are feeling, right? Because when people minimize how what we're going through, that makes it even worse. So there is space to be able to be held for, I understand how you're feeling. I remember being there myself, your feelings are valid. What you're feeling inside your body physically is valid. You need to honor that. And then there's another side of let's do some healing, let's do some breathing work, let's talk this out together so we can get you through. I just feel like there's space for both of that. And it sounds to me that that is exactly what you're doing. So congratulations on your book again. Um, it is called Diary of a Soul Reborn. And I will have the link on the show notes and your website. So thank you, Veronica. I know it's nighttime where you are, and you're probably exhausted. So I hope you have a wonderful rest of your night. And again, thank you to my audience for joining us on this episode of Tesla's Breasts, and we'll see you on the next episode. Thank you, and bye for now. Friends, thank you so much for listening to this episode of Tess those breasts. I hope you got some great, much-needed information that will help you with your journey. As always, I am open to guests to add value to my show, and I'm also open to being a guest on other podcasts where I can add value. So please reach out if you'd like to collaborate. My contact information is in the show notes. And as a reminder, rating, reviewing, and sharing this podcast will truly help build a bigger audience all over the world. I thank you for your efforts. I look forward to sharing my next episode of Test Those Press.